I have
recently started working with the young adult church on Sunday mornings and my
goodness! Those conversations are stimulating! I have been helping out with the
bible study although as a fellow young adult, not much qualifies me per say, to
be their leader apart from the fact that I work at the church. Nevertheless, it
has been quite an experience. We are studying the book of 1st Timothy and I
decided to just share some of the things that have popped up from the study as
well as my own life.
Let me set
the stage before we delve into the discussion. We've all been in this situation
before. Your phone starts to ring and just by looking at the caller id, you
feel tired. It's John, that guy you were close friends with but you realised
the relationship was one-sided. You were only there to serve as a sounding
board and he generally ignored what advice you offered him when he allowed you
to get in a word. Or maybe it's Irene; she's obviously just broken up
with her bad boyfriend for the hundredth time so she now magically has time for
you. You used to be close but she grew too busy for you and the girls when he
showed up and you are tired of hearing what a pig he is because you know she'll
never actually leave him. Perhaps it could be Mary the victim. You know her
type; she just hops from one problem to another, ever the victim, never taking
responsibility for her actions. She is always asking you to bail her out and
you would probably have a small fortune if she ever decided to pay you back all
the money she owes you. I could go on and on listing all the different types of
'negative friends' in our lives. They drain our resources; they take and take
and take and take, leaving you feeling drained emotionally, mentally,
physically and spiritually just from one interaction. The only thing they bring
to the friendship is problems. They are followed by a dark cloud of negativity
and blinded by selfishness. You really don't know why they are in your life-
perhaps you're related, or childhood friends, or classmates. Whatever the
reason, they came into your life and are seemingly stuck to you like a barnacle
to a ship. Perhaps it is a result of life experiences or perhaps they just have
a terrible character. One thing is certain; they are hard to love. So,
you know these people are in your life, what do you do?
All
conventional wisdom says you should ditch them- give them the old boot - cut
the cord - see ya
later
alligator - sayonara - don't let the door hit ya .... Take a look at This article on buzzfeed . It
makes sense really, that you should get rid of all the negativity in your life.
After all, this is your life and you don't owe anyone access to your life.
People do not have a right to your company and you should get to choose who you
hang out with. Didn’t our parents always tell us that one bad apple spoils the
whole bunch? So we should just quit these bad friendships cold turkey; unfriend,
unfollow, block and delete. That was actually my routine in many different
ways. This was my exact thought process until late last year when something
started nagging me. Was this the Christian thing to do? Where is the place of
grace in my friendships? Was I really showing love?
When we
look at the bible, it gives us very clear instructions. I think sometimes we
complicate it or we ignore clear instructions because they just seem too hard
to obey. 1 Peter 1:22 talks about loving out of a sincere brotherly love, and
loving deeply from a pure heart. 1Timothy 1:5 says that the aim of our charge
(our calling, our mission) is to love out of a pure heart, a good conscience
and a sincere faith (I’ve paraphrased both verses). We know that Jesus came to
seek and save the lost. He loved deeply and we have been called to do so too.
So what does that look like? I think it means loving those that we have labeled
as 'negative' or 'unlovable'. We too were unlovable. The angels probably look
at us and wonder why God would choose to love such a terrible and sinful
people. Yet Jesus, out of love for us, came down and died for us. He chose to
love us in our horrid state. Jesus set the standard when he dined and walked
with the outcast of the society. As mere sinners who claim to follow Christ,
who are we to judge and label others as negative? I have been one of the many
that justify such behaviour by referring to the time when Jesus said that if
something causes you to sin then you should cut it out. One lady at the bible
study helped me see the real application of this scripture. Does your
'negative' friend cause you to sin? Are they tempting you by playing at your
weaknesses? Is your interaction with them a causative factor in your sinning?
If yes, then by all means delete that number and cut off all communication. But
if you just want to ditch people because it is convenient for you and they
affect your mood, then stop being selfish and live the life God called you to
live. They do not have to be your core friends or besties, but don't kick them
out because they took a different path in life or made a few bad decisions. You
could be their only chance to experience true love ; pure love that stems from
your sincere faith. You could be their only link to God. You could be the only
light in their lives. Jesus called us the light of the world and that is what
He made us; not so that we could hang out with other candles, but so that we
could go into the darkness and shine His light on them and light other candles.
My prayer has been that God would teach me what it really is to love deeply
from a pure heart. We love from the overflow of His love in our lives so when
we feel drained by other people, the solution is not to cut them off, we should
go back to Him for more.
Here's a
link to a wonderful sermon that says it
even better...
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