Monday, 26 May 2014

TAKING THE HARD WAY

I KNEW IT! As soon as I heard the destination of our boot-camp I just knew they'd make us do it and I dreaded it the whole journey there. At some point it started raining and I rejoiced. My mind was playing Let it Rain on repeat :) But alas, God decided to answer the prayers of our camp facilitators and just as quickly as it had come, the rain was gone. They led us through all the other typical team building activities but they weren't fooling me; I knew what they were doing and I was not buying what they were peddling. You see, I am an active camp hater.

I dislike camps with every fiber of my being. I love nature and I don't really mind the cold showers and living out of a tent aspects of camping; it's group camps that I loathe. The concept of throwing people into a foreign environment and taking them through a series of activities that are meant to make them bond is ridiculous to me. I feel that it is an unnatural way of forming lasting relationships and that these relationships formed are superficial and weak. Add to that the fact that in camps you are stuck with a large group of people all day and night, and forced to stick to a rigid schedule, and you've got the introvert in me who needs alone time running scared. All those feelings and thoughts gathered in my head like a storm brewing and I walked around letting everyone know how much I was not looking forward to it. (Yeah, what a serious buzzkill! I don't know why these people I call friends put up with me). Anyway, here I am forced into a difficult situation in an environment I dislike. What do I do? As much as I love a good pity party, I soon got over myself and decided to just dive in and make the most of it.

I decided that I would push myself to participate actively and to try to reduce my grumbling to a few sighs and sad sentences dispersed throughout the day. It wasn't too hard to do that because my fellow interns are incredible people. The campsite itself was one I had been to previously and at every other turn I was faced with bitter memories of a painful time in my life. Ghost memories of betrayal in the past followed me and threatened to completely destroy the experience for me. I remember at some point we had to do the trust falls and as much as I tried, I just could not loosen up. Every time I closed my eyes I remembered how my trust had been broken at that very site and I stiffened. I know I have trust issues and I was quick to acknowledge it. However, with each new activity I found myself coming out of my shell. I dare say I even had fun (cue fun song for the movie montage of camping activities yaaaaaay!) I didn't completely hate the early morning jogging and the cold showers . The thing that did it for me was the first devotional of the first day. Our facilitator talked about taking the hard way and I was challenged. I enjoy pushing myself. During my masters I even took a class I knew I would struggle with, just so I could open up my mind and challenge my world view. However, when it comes to trust I am a complete coward. Through out the camp I was challenged to put my trust in this group of strangers and little by little I found myself opening up and letting them in. I was getting pretty good at it until they took us to THE WALL.




My old nemesis stood there staring me down daring me to give up. I hate that wall - hate is a strong word but I really really don't like it. I had been over it before but that didn't give me any confidence in my ability to do it again. The wall is this 14 foot monstrosity that we all had to get over as a group. At the top is a ledge on which 4 people can pull the others up. For a while I stood there contemplating my options. Although they said that all of us had to take part, I was sure I could find a way to get out of it. I was ready to walk off and completely refuse to take part when I remembered the lesson of the day 'take the hard way'. It rung in my head until I finally decided to face my nemesis once more. Now, this wasn't like the movies where once the heroine decides she is up for the challenge she magically does it without displacing a hair on her head or breaking a nail. No, this was reality. When it was my turn to go up there was a lot of heaving and grunting (of those lifting me) and a lot of screaming, panicking and flailing of legs on my part. At one point I was sure I was going to fall and I remember looking in the eyes of the guy pulling me up and telling him not to let me go. I held on so tight I'm not sure how he was still breathing. Eventually, I was over and I sat to take my breathe, but not for long. It was now my turn to help others up. It was amazing how these people easily thrust themselves upwards towards me and trusted that we would get them over. 
I am very happy that I took the hard way that day because it led to me learning that trust is two-way. The more people trusted me, the easier it became for me to trust them and so by the end of that day I was ready to share with them things that I had never shared before. Needless to say, everything that I thought about camps was proven wrong last week because I chose to take the hard way. I chose to be optimistic and participate actively instead of grumbling; I chose to get up for early morning jogs instead of staying in bed with a made up excuse, and I also chose to be as trusting as I am trustworthy. 
The hard way is, as its name suggests, a difficult path, but it is always the better option. It always yields the best results and has always, in my experience, been an opportunity for growth and learning. Dare to take the hard way and let me know how it goes or tell me about your experience on the hard way. 

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