It has been a while since I posted but this one has been on my mind for the last two weeks. I am a person who lives by the principle, 'Failure is not an option'. However, life being what it is, failure is inevitable. The other day we were at a team building retreat and we were split into groups. During the first group activity my team excelled. It was a difficult task and it managed to boggle our collective brains for a while, but eventually, we figured it out and finished the activity long before the other group started moving. The activity leader saw that we had finished and set before us a similar task and put obstacles in our entire process. Still in the end, we finished before the other group. We silently watched them complete the task and when they were done we applauded them. Later on when we were discussing the task, the leader commended the team that had lost over and over and I was just completely upset. I wondered to myself, why are we sometimes so terrible at accepting failure?
If you have watched sports these days, we are telling our children that all that matters is that they had fun or that everyone is a winner for having done their best. Well, I would like to call the BS card on that philosophy. Why are we babying losers? Okay, hold up, before you close this page, hear me out. I have been a massive loser. In high school I played on a basketball team that only won 3 matches in the four years that I played. Yeah. 3 wins in 4 years!!!!! At some point I was the captain of that team so I was basically the captain of the losers. (hahahahaha I can laugh now). However, our terrible record did not stop us from going to the court and practicing every single day for an hour n half. At some point we were only 5 of us and there we even had a number of coaches quit on us. I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO LOSE/FAIL. I know what it is like to go onto the court facing gigantic girls (we suspect some of them were over 20 years) knowing that we would likely fail. I know what it is like to have a match score reach the triple digits while were on single digit scores. Yet every single match we went in ready to do our best. We actually tried to win. Each time we were called for a match we went. We showed up with our heads held high and when we were beat we shook their hands and commended them on a good game. There was never a time when we didn't score a single shot, and there were even times when the game was tied to the last minute or when the other team won on a technicality, but nevertheless, almost doesn't count. Failure is failure and I've got 4 years' experience in it :) I'm not talking about failure like they show in the movies where you start by failing then some great mentor comes your way to motivate you (cue motivational song with a montage of getting your act together) and finally you getting it right. No, in life sometimes the underdog doesn't win. Sometimes you just fail and that is that.
Having revealed history of failure, I still think that YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD WHEN YOU FAIL. This talk of 'as long as you did your best' does not get you far. It is important to commend people for their hard work but you should not make failure such a bad thing that you don't even acknowledge it. The message you are sending is that 'failure is so bad that we don't want to call you a failure in case you give up...' (I call the nonesence card again). What that this whole habit of commending failures and making them feel better about themselves does, is that it makes them complacent. They start to accept failure. You do not want to create complacency. You do not want people aiming for mediocrity and accepting sub-standard performances. You want to inspire them to keep trying. Remember that bad feeling you get when you fail? Well it drives you to keep trying. It makes you work harder the next time. It makes the wins that much sweeter and it makes you better.
Even though I have failed so many times, what that has taught me, is to keep trying no matter what. What it has also taught me is to accept my own failures knowing that the world will not end. The last two weeks I have failed at certain tasks and it is not good, but it is okay. The fact that I do not fear failure allowed me to seek out help before the failure inconvenienced the rest of my colleagues on the project we were working on. I can tell you that admitting defeat was one of the toughest things I could have done. Writing that email acknowledging my failure hurt real bad and took a lot of courage, but I have a colleague on the same project who sat on his failure all month long and in the end compromised our project. His refusal to acknowledge that he had failed brought the team down in the task. Is failure really that bad? I have to admit, I feel gutted each time I feel. I am embarrassed that I was not competent enough to complete the task or that I made a mistake. Failure hurts. However, the one thing that it doesn't do, is make me question my efficacy. My identity is not placed on my ability to perform; it is in my creator and who He says I am. Even though I have failed I know I am not a failure because He made me a victor. Because I do not fear failure, I learn from those failures. Sometimes I fail over and over at the same thing, but that just means I have to work harder and pray harder. I know that fear of failure is a huge motivator, but when you fear something you become a slave to it. You avoid it AT ALL COSTS. What does that mean? You cut corners, pay bribes, cheat, etc, to get ahead. There's no place for fear in Christianity. Christ died so that we could be free of all the things that enslave us. Fear of failure is one of those things. I used to fear failure and every so often that feeling rears its head again, but it happens less and less. Now I don't like failure so I avoid it, but I don't work like a dog to avoid it at all costs. Instead I work hard because I have freedom. Not freedom to fail, but freedom to win. Freedom to get up when I fail and to keep trying. Freedom to know that letting go is not giving up. Freedom to admit defeat and ask for help. And oh how great that freedom feels. It enables me to try wind surfing and spend an afternoon falling off the board as a crowd of beach goers laugh and my friend films it. It even allows me to finally stop trying after an hour of swallowing water and injuries from the sail falling on me. Finally, that freedom from the fear of failure allows me to show the videos to my friends even though I only finally managed to wind surf a 5 foot distance. I don't show it as the time I wind surfed, but the times I failed to wind surf. (hala at me if you want to see the videos).
I'll have you know, by the way, that in the afternoon session the other team completely DESTROYED us on the field while we played touch rugby. Our team accepted defeat and shook hands with them and commended them on a good game.
A second by the way, although this post is dotted with instances of failure, both epic and small, I have won innumerable times and boy is victory sweet! :) The best thing about failure and it's inevitability is that we can ALWAYS count on God to steer us to victory, to be the strength in our weakness, and to help us heal our wounds.
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