Now i know...

I didn't know what He meant when He said He's 'got me'. 

I didn't know what it was for Him to be my strength when I was weak. 

I didn't know why He kept saying, 'do not be afraid; I will be with you'.

I didn't know what it was to be called beloved. 

 It was all just something nice to hear;

They were:

words I memorized in Sunday School,

catchy lyrics on a lovely melody, 

phrases that looked good on a tweet #QOTD... 

You see when things went wrong all I could think was :

'How could He do this to me?'

'How could He let this happen?' 

I was too busy wrapped up in my brokenness to accept His comfort;

too busy hosting a pity party with an attendance of one to give The One my attention. 

So He let me grow weak enough to look up in desperation. 

It wasn't until I was weak and desperate that I felt Him be my strength. 

It wasn't until I had cried out all my tears that I learnt what His joy was. 

I didn't know what it was to be held and embraced until I was desperate and alone. 
It wasn't until I was deep within the pit of my bad choices that I knew what second, third and millionth chances are. 

It wasn't until I was standing on a stage, speechless, that I knew what it meant for Him to give me the words to speak. 

It was in my darkness that I saw His light. 

It was in my pain that I felt His love. 

It was in my fear that I felt Him give me courage. 

It was in my state of hopelessness that He gave me a future. 

It was in every sorry state that I looked up and found Him countering it effortlessly. 

Not because He wanted me to go through that darkness - NO-

you see, it was never about ME;

it was always about HIM and if it took allowing me to wander into the darkness to truly see HIS light, it was good. 

If it took me feeling pain to know HIS COMFORT, then it was good. 

It would probably have been easier if I had never gone through it, 

but knowing this stubborn soul, would I have ever bothered to look up?

Would I have drawn my attention outward?

I don't think so... 

So I thank Him because the joy of knowing God now is sweeter than the pain that brought the lesson. 

I would rather walk through the valley of the shadow of death by His side than along the yellow brick road alone.