April 3rd '09

I wait, I pray, I wait some more

I stumble, I rise, I stumble and fall.

I listen, I grow impatient try to listen some more.

I hold on, I read, I desperately try to hold on.

I kneel, I stand, I lie down, I walk, I sit, I yell; for goodness sake I even cry.

But I hear you no more.

I dance, I sing.

Just one glimpse is all I need.

But I grow weary.

My heart grows faint,

My ears grow deaf,

My eyes are losing sight.

And around me I feel you no more.

So now,

I find it hard to raise my voice,

I find it hard to lift my hand,

I find it hard to read your word.

Your strong voice that I knew so well,

Your tender touch that held me at night,

Your strong arms that cushioned my fall,

Your sweet words that healed my heart,

Your guiding hand that held mind each day,

Your gentle voice that talked me through each storm,

I find it hard to recognize them.

Too many hands touch me,

Too many voices yell at me, telling me where to go,

All the wrong arms embrace me,

All the wrong words reach my ears.

I've sought the wrong guides,

I’ve held the wrong hands,

I’ve embraced the wrong arms,

I’ve felt the wrong touch,

I’ve listened to the wrong words,

I’ve seen the wrong things,

I’ve raised my voice for the wrong things, sung the wrong words.

I've read the wrong books,

I’ve written the wrong words.

But they've not helped me.

They didn't leave me feeling any better.

They left me broken,

They left me hurt,

They left me used,

They left me defiled,

They left me dirty,

They left me wondering,

They’ve sent me back to you,

Broken and battered, bruised and hurt, used and abused, dirty and sinful, unrighteous and unholy.

Nothing like the daughter you want.

So I’m coming back to you.

Crawling back to you,

Looking forward to you,

Listening to you,

Begging for you,

Crying out to you.

It's you I want, you I need.

So,

I will wait, I'll pray and I'll wait some more.

I may stumble, but I’ll rise, I may stumble some more, but you shall help me rise.

I will listen, and when I feel impatience creeping in, I'll listen some more.

I'll hold on, I'll read, through the storms I'll tie a knot and I will hold on, like my life depends on it- because my life depends on it.

I'll cling, I’ll kneel, I’ll stand, I’ll lie down, I’ll walk, I’ll run, I’ll yell and for your sake I’ll even cry.

I will dance and I’ll sing, for you alone I’ll do all I can.

Through all this I will not grow weary,

For you will strengthen me.

For You are mine and I will be only yours.

Your touch will be mine,

Your voice my only instruction,

Your words my only lamp,

And your embrace the only one holding me.